And to be completely honest, I am feeling quite discouraged. I apologize in advance for the pity party that follows...but this is our reality.
Nine months ago I was full of hope for all the things that Audra would accomplish once she was home. I assumed she would be a "different child" by this time. After nine months of medical care, education, therapy and the love of a family...I was sure she would have made so much progress.
But here we are...nine months later...
and she still wears the same size clothes,
she can still say only a handful of words.
The malnutrition and developmental delays that she had in China are no better.
Sure, she has had some hiccups along the way these past nine months...
she has spent 6 weeks total in the hospital,
and had countless other visits, tests, procedures, etc,
AND we have learned that she has hearing loss,
something we weren't expecting...at all!
It took until November to finally have an IEP in place for her,
but then she was in the hospital for 3 weeks during November,
and then there was no therapy for a week due to Thanksgiving.
She did have 3 full weeks of therapy in December,
then no therapy for 2 weeks due to the holidays.
This week she is just getting back into her therapy routine.
Hearing therapy 4 days a week,
Speech and OT each once a week.
But I worry that at this rate we will never have her "ready" for kindergarten in 8 very.short.months!
I worry that I am not being aggressive enough in getting her all the help she needs and deserves to grow, learn and be successful. Kindergarten is no joke these days. It's hard work and they expect the kids to come prepared with a lot of knowledge. She will be seven years old when she starts kindergarten, and will be the smallest by far I am sure, with a very limited vocabulary.
I am worried. I want the best for her. She is smart. I know it.
Because I need to remind myself that she has accomplished many, many new and amazing things during these past 9 months, here is a list...(even if they are not the lofty goals I had in mind for her...but then that's my problem...not hers!)
her first airplane ride...a 15 hour airplane ride!
becoming a daughter, and a sister
...and a cousin too!
going to school
taking dance lessons
turning 6 years old
trying out the swimming pool
and amusement park rides
learning to tolerate the snow
So many new and somewhat scary things she has experienced...and she has embraced them all, tried hard and learned to live in a way so different from what she was used to for the first 5 years of her life.
And that is MORE than I can say for myself over these past 9 months.
It's time for me to rethink my overambitious expectations...and to remember, enjoy and be proud of all of the things she has accomplished over the past 9 months!
Thanks for hearing me out...I think I just talked myself out of this pity party.
Blogging is good therapy :)
This turned out to be a bit of a New Year's resolution post, not what I intended when I started...but appropriate I suppose. I didn't even know that I already knew what my resolution this year needed to be. I just needed to tell myself.
Here's to 2014...
Been there, done that. It's hard. We want so much for our kids to grow and thrive. It's scary when that doesn't seem to be happening.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, Emily progressed very slowly for the first year. It was after that first year home that things finally started to really take off for her developmentally. She's still behind but catching up.
You're doing a great job with Audra! She's getting care and love. As she continues to get the help she needs, especially hearing I'd guess, she'll grow and thrive. Patience, Dear! She's still struggling with some hurdles. She'll get there!
Shannon, do not bang your self up. I do not know of another Mom who could do all that you have this year for Audra. You are a super mom with 4 beautiful kids and one very lucky husband. Love from the frozen north.
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